My Daughter?s Teacher Is Unwed and Knocked Up

Q. Bridezilla Behavior Equals Broken Engagement: Since we began planning our wedding three months ago, my fiancee has turned into another woman: selfish, temperamental, materialistic. She expects her parents, who are approaching retirement, to bankroll most of the wedding, and she continually demands items that are beyond their means. She becomes very angry with me when we disagree on major decisions (like location, menu, the band) because this is her special day and she has been planning her dream wedding since childhood. She never behaved like this before our engagement, and a number of people have assured me it's the pressure of planning the wedding that's making her act this way. I don't think there's any excuse for her behavior and have decided to break our engagement. We have been together for three years. What's the kindest way I can end our engagement, and what should I tell others?

A: Every time I think I'm going to have a moratorium on impossible bride letters, some new twist comes along. I appreciate this one because we so rarely hear what the groom ends up thinking when he watches his betrothed turn into a termagant. I love the excuses that get offered for this behavior. If the pressure of planning a party destroys one's equanimity and perspective, real life is going to be completely disabling. There is also something creepy about explaining to the man you are about to marry that he's destroying the fantasy you've harbored for decades about your perfect wedding day, which was a lot more pleasant without an actual bridegroom to mess things up. Still, I don't think you necessarily have to throw away three years of presumed happiness because of three months of hell. But you do have to shift the conversation. Instead of squabbling about lobster ravioli as an appetizer, you need to sit your fiancee down and tell her you need to put aside the wedding planning because you're feeling the need to put aside the wedding. Explain you understand both her dreams and her stress, but neither is justification for bankrupting her parents and treating you like dirt. Say that you want back the person you've loved for the past three years and suggest you two see a counselor to help get back to normal. If she simply freaks out, then the kindest thing to say is the simplest: "Courtney, I love you, but I don't love what's happening between us. We need to stop wedding planning, because the wedding is off. "

Source: http://feeds.slate.com/click.phdo?i=baf625be0a82f905083b42a01b1ba6c6

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